I want when I want and I want it now.

Basically. Although it’s easier now than say a few months ago. Like I was reading a bunch of really good sober memes on instagram and identifying on such a gut level with all of them. It’s comforting yea, and I can relate to them all and it keeps this alcoholic humble for a bit. The tricky bitch of it all is that it’s not enough. I have to be mindful of my addict thinking at all time. A sober friend of mine will let me ramble on all the shit going on in my head, program talk, and he’ll smile at the end and say “keep it simple stupid”. 80% is ugh, yea, the other 20 will worry and obsess that I should know this already. Why can’t I see that. I want to know that. I want to know it all. I want answers. Which is the very thinking that is me, all me, pretty much all of the time. Time has helped. Awareness of my attitudes and behaviors is a step. Acceptance of is crucial. Surrender to is my hope. One day at a time. Hell, one moment at a time.